Paladin
by Silvernutbar
Summary: A young man torn from the world he knew, has to face a strange new reality and come to terms with the fact that it takes more than power to make a hero... it takes nifty accessories and a furry mascot.
1. Prologue a journey begins

Disclaimer: ok... sure i'll dis-claim this work's primary character's besides the few originals I made, mainly the main character and a handful of dieties and filler characters, settings, and capacities as not my own. If they WERE my own.. i'd of had a few changes.. mainly how some characters seem to think the ability to throw armor piercing roses and fight while wearing formal wear is a good thing.

Author's notes: This particular piece of fanfiction will eventually become a sailormoon self-insertion.. kinda sorta. I mean the character based off of me goes through some pretty interesting changes before he ever gets to a sailor moon timeline. The first few chapters are mostly back story, coming of age kind of stuff.. cept without the coming of age.. The prologue itself is a creation of mine that I use as a 'jump point' for a lot of different stories. The whole.. ANYTHING could happen afterwords feel. This story, however, is the core of what would happen and as such is as close to the 'cannon' as you'll get from one of my stories..not that the anime's and other fictional places represented will be of the cannon variety, but this STORY is the cannon for my other stories.. if that makes sense. Everything else is basically an alternate what if. That being said, let me know what you think.

Prologue: Legendary Cavern of Eternal Night.

He awoke with his customary grogginess and lumbered his way to a sitting position. It was the same deal every morning since he'd arrived in this living nightmare of twisting shadows and dark dry corridors. The place would have actually been better served had there been dripping limestone and phosphorescent lichen. Sadly anything that was alive here had died long ago. The only light source he had in these abyssal desert tunnels was a small flashlight that for some reason continued to work despite the sheer amount of time he must have been using it.

He'd restrained himself on more than one occasion from opening the bottom to see just what brand was in it. He had this insistent itch in the back of his mind that if he did, he would soon find himself without the aforementioned always working flashlight.

His only other personal affects were his backpack, a few badly torn and stained artices of clothing, and a depressingly small leather bag that had water in it. It ran out early every day, since it was barely a quart in volume. Like the light, however, it also had an ever renewing source. How it refilled itself at certain times in the day he didn't know. It produced the bare minimum to keep him alive and moving though.

Food, as his stomache would attest, was something a bit more scarce. He felt like he had not eaten in forever. He had a small amount of food in his backpack when he went out that day on his hike so long ago. Unfortunately he'd eaten it all a while back. With no sun or moon to judge the passage of time he couldn't be sure just how long ago. His stomache figured it to be a week or two at least. In truth it was getting more and more difficult just waking up. He barely had the energy to keep moving, but he knew that if he didn't, he would certainly die in this forsaken darkness, like others before him. He didn't know why, but he felt certain other people had come this way, long ago.

"Well, man. I guess it's time to make the doughnuts.." he muttered into the ever encroaching darkness. Lifting his flashlight and using it's dim spear of hope as his guidon he soldiered onward as he had done many times before, both in this cavernous hell and outside in the real world. The scant few years in the army had been the only reason he'd survived this long he thought for the million and fifteenth time while stagger stepping down the porous rocky trail.

From time to time on his never ending trek, he'd come across different rock formations and trail patterns, but this was one of the more common ones. He'd probably walked down it a thousand times and not even realized it in his situation.

After he'd walked for what felt like hours, and probably was, he staggered to a halt. The path had given out abruptly and lead down into a yawning chasm. "Not again dammit'!" He cried out into the uncaring darkness. He'd run into dead ends like this on far too many occasions.

With a weary sigh he began to turn around and trudge back the entire way he'd just come, for there were no turn-offs or forks on this particular path when something caught his eye. His flashlight had glinted it's unending beam across something metalic and surprisingly enough, shiny.

He walked to the edge of the cavern wall, precariously close to the edge of the chasm and got a better look at the first new discovery he'd made in a long time. It had the appearance of a handle, but made out of some kind of metal that hadn't corroded, or even gotten dusty with the passage of time.

Like the flashlight and water bag then, it was timeless and eternally performing its purpose. In a flash of insight his starved and addled mind suddenly got the image of a secret door opening somewhere, possibly leading out or at least to a place with some more light.

Without a moment's hesitation or forethought he gripped the handle and pulled with all the strength his thoroughly exhausted frame could muster and the lever did come forward and down. When the path fell open beneath him he of course, did a similar thing.

When he awoke this time, he was nearly ready to keel over and die. He'd injured his leg when he'd fallen, and now it was in no condition to be walked upon very far. Cringing with every little twitch and motion he inspected the damage as best he could and shook his head. "Well, at least it's a closed break.. if it's broken."

After his injury assessments where completed, he took a moment to survery his new surroundings from his seated position and imediately recognized the most prominent features. Namely, the building in front of him, up a somewhat steep path, and the softly glowing radiance emerging from it's doorway.

He nodded at the structure and began trying to use the nearby wall to lever himself to his feet. It was a slow agonizing process, but at last he did manage to get there. Glancing down where he was formerly seated revealed the same metallic rod from above, glinting against the glow of his flashlight. "Heh, life g-gives ya a lem lemon.."

The young soldier crutch stepped his way up the path as best he could, wincing all the way. It took him what felt like an hour, but at last he was at the doorway. He hobbled forward and took a look.

Inside the building the source of the illumination was revealed to be several softly glowing pools of water. Each one had a different hue and overall feel to them. He was stunned for a moment at the sight of so much water, but even more by the sudden warmth flowing against his face. It was wind! There was a current of air flowing through here somewhere. His near orgasmic joy at that prospect kept him from hearing the other startling development. Slowly, however, he did hear.

"Knight of the era, come forth.." came a soft near whisper from within the structure. Startled back to his new reality, the young man nearly fell over trying to register the idea of someone talking down here. Then he reasoned aloud, "Must be a trick of the wind.."

Louder this time and with more vigor came the voice, "Knight of the era, come forth."

"That was no trick of the wind! Who are you..? I've been wandering down here forever! Can you help me get out of here?!" exclaimed the young man loudly.

"No knight, i've been here forever, you have been here but a scant time at best... still you are worthy. Come forth.. should you desire to leave the cavern of eternal night." replied the voice. It's vigor a soft warm baritone. No hint of threat, malice, or deceit layered within it's words. In fact despite it's warmth it almost seemed entirely unconcerned, dispassionate would be the word.

The young man growled, but stepped forward. If this guy was yankin' his chain. Well to be honest there wasn't much he could do about it in his condition, but he'd try!

No sooner did he step within the structure than the door behind him disappear. Where once there was door, there now was smooth wall with a shimmering crystalline appearance. "Heh, no going back now, huh? Not that i'd wanted too.."

In the faint light he saw a wispy human seeming form begin to appear coalescing into something reminiscent of hollywood's best transparent ghost imagery. The spectre took on a wisened appearance with a long flowing beard, and skull cap. His white robes completed the ensemble giving off the stereotypical ,Wise old fart in a cave, vibe.

"Yeah... anyway. Er.. you uh said something about getting out of here?" the young man asked in a rush. He was more than a little freaked out by this, but considering how little he could do about it he just had to deal. Military life had drilled the concept of making do with what you had to work with into him, even if he'd only been in the service two years.

The wise old fart nodded at him slowly and said, "Indeed I did young knight. You have been granted a singular oppertunity. You passed the cavern trial and have only the ordeal of the pools left, before you can enter into your new place in life."

"Enter ny new.. What ever old guy, I just want out.." muttered the man, not certain what else to say. This old sage lookin guy in the bathrobes was really unnerving him. The floating in the air, tranparent thing was bad enough, but he kept talking like his problems had only begun.

The old figure nodded again and said, "Then let us begin. Drink from the pool directly before me."

The young soldier blanched at that and shook his head. "No way.. that thing's bound to have some kind of noxious chemicals in it to be glowing like that! Besides.. the water can't be good after all the time it must have been here."

The wisp nodded. "You would drink from a spring of ... good ..then?"

The man tugged on his empty waterskin and licked his lips. It'd be a long while before it refilled and he was damned thirsty. Still, could he trust the wrinkled fart? Not seeing much choice he nodded. "Yeah.. if the water's good I could drink a little I guess..."

The old man raised his hand and then gestured towards the pool immediately to his right, it's soft glowing radiance was of a golden hue. "Then drink of these waters knight."

The man nodded and walked calmly over to the pool squatting down to place one hand in the pool, his eyes never leaving the old floating guy's position. Slowly he brought it back up and tasted it. No tell tale tang of poison and no creeping numbness in his tongue. Hoping these were good signs, he drank the handful of water noticing immediately that a warm tingle radiated down his body. A scent of lilacs and lavendar floated softly around him and his injured leg no longer hurt.

He blinked and checked his wound finding no sign of the damage he'd taken earlier. "Wha...?"

The old man nodded again and softly said. "He drinks of the waters of life, of the good." The building resounded with a loud cry, as though a thousand hearty voices where clamoring to be heard. All said, congratulatory greetings such as "Hail brother!" and "Glory to the most high, be welcome." He was certain he had picked out a "Groovy cat's always welcome round heyar'" as well.

"Next answer me three questions knight.." stated the elder.

The soldier grunted to himself and nodded, "Fine.. I don't know why but i'll play along." He was trying his best not to run screaming into the night. Not that he'd get far with no doors in this building.

"Question the first.. hast thou ever stolen from another?"

The man sighed and thought. "I've done such, I mean if taking loose change off the street or someone's last cookie and stuff counts. IF you just meant bigger stuff like blatantly rob people, or running off with their tv's and such then, no. You didn't specify so I kind of had to. I generally don't, since i'd hate to be stolen from. Do unto others and all that kinda stuff."

The old man tilted his head to the side as though listening and then stared hard at the young soldier. The man in question had the feeling that the very core of his soul was being scoured to verify his answer. A moment passed and then the old man nodded. "He speaks the truth, and his thievery if you could call it such is inconsequential. Most children do more than that on a daily basis.

A mumur of a thousand voices agreeing with this statement could be heard, before the old man raised his hand. "Enough.. question the second. Knight.. which is the most powerful force in existence, nature, love, greed,violence, hate, or fear."

The 'knight' shook his head and mumbled. "Eesh.. what a question." He rambled around inside himself for a minute because he'd often asked himself a question similar to this. In all honesty all he'd ever come up with is a compromise situation and he decided to try and use that now.

"Neither. Each of those forces is but a part of the whole. Each in its own right a vital component to a full and treasured life. Some might dispute violence, hate and greed, fear as well. I never did. These are symptoms of imbalance and such. Each a thing twisting love and nature. Greed is to love something to the extent that you cannot allow another to possess it. Hate is to love something so dearl y that you have to expres the raw anger at that which would cause issues to occur with it. Violence is the natural outcome of people not communicating honestly, and fear is the darkness within all souls necessary to truly shine with that inner light of hope... Without the darker more destructive forces we could not appreciative the creative lighter ones.

However, despite their necessity, i'd think one shouldn't focus too heavily on them or risk being lost to their own internal hell."

The old man gazed solemnly at the young man and nodded. "You chose neither as the most potent, to not choose.. is still a choice made. A well thought and reasoned one i'd believe."

The clamour of voices agreed and the young soldier could feel the weight of a sea filled with staring eyes all on him.

"Question.. the third. Can there be such a thing as fighting for peace?"

"Absolutely."

"You choose not to even think it over? You simply blurt out the first thing to come to your mind..knight?" asked the old man, an arched eyebrow leering down at him.

The young soldier shrugged. "I don't need to. I've asked myself that question a lot in my life. I had my answer long ago, and felt no need to pretend otherwise."

The old man grew solemn again and nodded. "So you did."

"He has answered the questions! Let the quality of his spirit be known!" exclaimed the wisened elder, a sudden wind firling his robes about, and whipping through his hair and beard.

"Here, Here!" came the cry from that sea of invisible voices.

The young man covered his ears to try and protect his hearing from the sudden onslaught. Just as suddenly as it began the onslaught ended.

"Young knight, the end of your ordeal grows closer. You have been weighed, you have been measured, and now you will be judged. To leave this cavern you must choose your next moves carefully. You may drink from the springs three times more, and prepare yourself in the room beyond, for soon you must show your mettle in the final trial.

With that the old man faded away, before he could be questioned. His voice did return once briefly to say "Be quick knight.. your trial will begin whether you are ready or not."

The young man looked around at the suddenly empty room and realized that there was indeed a room behind where the old man stood. He could have sworn it wasn't there earlier, but he gave up caring.

"Drink from three pools.. sheesh, what's with this crazy place." grumbled the man. He wasn't even sure where to begin when a thought crossed his mind. The pool he'd already drank from seemed harmless, and the old fart said he could drink from up to three pools. Maybe, if he started with that one again he could figure out what to do.

He reached down and scooped up a double handful of water and guldped it down. This time the warmth flowing through his body invigorated him beyond any capacity he'd known before. He could feel raw strength surging through him, as though the sheer vitality of life itself flowed through him.

The old man's words wandered through his mind again and he realized why drinking from the springs would be so important. Still, none of the other springs looked too promising. In fact his skin crawled whenever he even thought of going near one of the others, especially the rainbow hued one in the back.

He scooped up a second handful of water, drinking again from the same spring. This time he could feel his senses heighten to levels he'd nver before experienced. His vision sharpened, his hearing become most acute. Within his mind's eye images became sharper and more detailed, giving him the thought that it wasn't only his physical senses that were sharpening.

He reached out with these new senses letting them pour over each pool in turn and winced visibly. Each and every pool he came across had some horrible side effect. All save the one he'd been drinking from. True some of the side effects looked interesting.  
One seemed to turn you into a lycanthrope, immortal to anything except silver and holy magics. Another made you undead, still another simply poisoned you. The rainbow pool eluded him though. He still felt an incredible wrongness about it, even more than earlier but he could not discern it's nature.

He drank for the third and final time from the holy spring, for he knew that to be this spring's nature. This time a warm resonating wave of force rolled outward from the core of his being. He felt truly awake for the first time in his life and could feel a connection to life and it's creator as never before. In fact he felt certain that a measure of that very force would be his to shape and mold as he saw fit.

He glanced over at the rainbow pool and shuddered. The brightest of the pools by far, it had been a trap for the unwary. He knew it for what it was now. This was the pool of the damned, any who drank from it were forever denied the light of love and hope, these forces snuffed from their existence entirely. In exchange it gave you the power to command the damned souls and dark things, in short.. it made you king nothing.

He had a sudden urge to drink from the holy pool once more, for he knew now that one more drink would elevate him beyond the mortal pale entirely and make him into a god. Already his very being was nearly overflowing with the power coursing through him. His hand reached down, almost automatically to drink again, but the old man's admonishment cut through him like a knife. Drink from the springs three times...

His hand hovered over the edge of the pool, he struggled internally trying to rationalize another drink, but slowly his nature won over and he pulled back. "All I want to do is get out of here. Let's see what's in the room."

He walked into the antechamber and saw a vast array of rusted medieval weaponry, a few dusty tomes, a forge with no fire in the back, and a set of white robes and boots lying on a small table near a normal seeming non-glowing pool of water, and a gigantic table filled with food of every sort imaginable.

He stripped down quickly and wandered over to test the pool, making certain it was clear for use. He couldn't detect anything wrong with it, and slipped in cleaning all the dust and grime from his weary travels. The food called to him strongly, but he would not eat until he cleansed himself. It seemed important for some reason.

After cleaning up, he got dressed in the clothes laid out, finding that they fit perfectly, and settled into the feast. He said a short prayer and then dug in, gorging himself as much as he could stopping short of vomiting it all back up.

When he'd finished dining, the table cleared itself and the pool disappeared. "Heh.. self cleaning kitchen or something.."

He started perusing the weapons and books. All the tomes where in some language he couldn't decipher, but he kept out two that seemed promising for some reason he couldn't quite place yet.

The weapons were all crap. Rusted through and useless, the best he could hope for would be to melt them down for scrap. Heck if it came down to it the metal rod he'd been lugging around would probably be a far more efficient weapon than any of those.

He approached the forge at the back more curious than anything else, and it sprang to life fires raging and the sound of a hammer ringing on anvil filling the air. A soft voice whispered, "Hae ye a project master?"

The man looked around for a ghostly blacksmith, but seeing no one shrugged and said sure.. I guess I need equipment or a weapon or something. i'm not sure what.

"Hae ye metal to work?"

The young soldier looked around and shrugged, "I could probably use all this rusted stuff.. and there's this rod here I guess..?"

"Give us the metal.. the rod and three good pieces. Rust matters not, the metal remembers.. and the hammer reminds it anyway,," came the ghostly reply.

The man nodded and wandered back over to the array of rusted crap, and dagged out odd bits and pieces of this and that. He eventually found a few pieces that seemed reletively rust free, one almost seemed to have an infinitesimal glow to it as well. It was an old pendant, of some metal he couldn't identify. IT probably was some kind of iron alloy he reasoned, since it had some rust, if not much.

"Here.. an old necklace, this half-plate, and this bracer." said the soldier to the forge.

The ghostly voice responded, "Well chosen master.. useful these will be indeed when combined with the rod."

The items in question were placed on the anvil and moments later a furious ringing could be heard from their location. An obscuring mist began to form around them and soon nothing could be seen save the occasional hammer spark.

For what seemed like hours the steady cacauphony of steel on steel, or whatever the stuff was made of could be heard. The soldier spent his time after the few beginning moments attempting to make heads or tales of the strange tomes he had decided to keep.

Needless to say he wasn't making much progress when the final hammer stroke fell and the ghostly voice called out to him. The masterpiece was done.

Our young protagonist was rather shocked to see nothing more than a simple metal sphere resting atop the table. It seemed primarily made of the rod metal, but had whirling pictoglyphic designs and runic symbols. After a moment's inspection he realized several of the symbols corresponded with a few he'd seen in the books.

"Master, long it has been since i've had such materials to work with. This I think is my greatst work in over eighteen thousand years. Take it and be strong, for the forces within will fight you at first, but master them and no evil shall stand before your might!"

The soldier reached down and calmly grasped the tennis ball sized orb and stared at it for a moment. When nothing happened, he shook it a little, but still nothing. "Heh.. mighty indeed.. aw well thanks anyway, uh.. smithy?"

"Welcome thou art, master.. now beware for dire threat draws near, beyond the obsidian arch!"

The young man sighed. This was getting rediculous. What next, would he have to go fight a dragon and rescue some blonde haired ,blue eyed, heaving-boosomed, princess type..? Well, now that he thought about it, this didn't seem so bad.. it beat walking in the tunnels at least.

So he grabbed his almighty.. metal ball... and wandered off in the direction of the aforementioned dire threat.

Within the darkest reaches of the room beyond shadows moved to a hellish wind felt only by their owner. Baleful eyes stared out of this living darkness and gazed warily at this upstart knight. Human fodder, it thought. These fools rarely get this far, and so long as he was master, none would get further.

No one had passed by him, ever. Before he took on his duties a few would slip past prior guardians, but the dark-hellfire elemental known as Shirogna would not be bested by a mere human. It had slain all the hapless ones that had come before, all eight that had passed the previous trials. The only eight out of thousands that had attempted the ordeal in its tenure as guardian.

Casually it's next meal wandered into its realm, all but blind to what nightmares awaited it. When the human fool was close enough Shirogna fluidly enveloped him in it's shadowed form, amidst its terrified screams, the elemental laughed silently to itself. This one would surely be the easiest of all!

The soldier screamed into the enveloping darkness, as its cloying miasma began eating away at him like a noxious acid. Sulphuric fumes began to assault his nostrils and within moments he would be dying. He knew this with every fiber of his being. He struggled mightily against th encroaching night fiend, but his attacks all passed harmlessly through its shroud.

Nothing could harm it physically! The horrible thought raced through his mind. The acidic area was already causing his skin to peel back, and he was forced to roll around on the ground screaming in agony.

The thought constantly assailed him. He should give up, and let the beast have him. The pain was too much, there was nothing he had that could even fight this darknss.

That's when something besides his own screams got his attention. All this rolling around had dislodged his flashligh from it's place on his robe. He'd clipped it there so he wouldn't lose it.

In his desperation an insane idea counteracted the mental assault and with supreme effort he reached out, and flipped on the switch. The standard dim swath of light shot out, but something else altogether different occured this time. The light was ccompanied by a scream that he didn't emit. The beast was in immense pain of its own!

Quickly grasping the situation our heroic knight..heh, began waving the light around like it was the only thing between him and certain death. It was actually. The screams continued for several moments as various bit and pieces of Shirogna were seared by the light, but slowly the screaming stopped.

"FOoLisH! YoUr PiTiFuL IigHt cAn nOt dEsTrOy mY BeAuTiFuL DaRkNeSss... "

Our badly singed hero waved his flash light around like a mad man, but to his growing fear realized that a wall of pure darkness was slowly flowing towards him absorbing all the weak light. The little light that had banished darkness for him for weeks, was no longer strong enough to aid him.

He pressed down as hard as he could on the power switch, hoping, praying for more light, for ANY light. Precious seconds passed and if anything the light seemed dimmer, and began to flicker. Whatever power was animating the flashlight seemed to be finally running out, just when he needed it the most!

"Please.. don't do this to me..Please, we've gone through so much together in the last few weeks little light.. you're my only hope!" Cried the obviously insane man. The situation was finally getting to him.

The light continued to grow dimmer and the darkness rushed in swifter now, covering three times as much distance as before. It would be mere seconds before it consumed him. Looking around only revealed that the darkness had him surrounded on all sides.

He gripped his little metal sphere and pulled it out of his robe pocket. "Fat lot of good you do me! All I need is a little light! Can't you even help me do that?!" He railed at the unresponsive little ball.

With utter despair he realized the wall was only feet away from him now. "Light.. no I need a freaking light SABER..a..!"

"Sabera!" resonated a deep baritone voice from the metal sphere and from within it's core immediately resonated a vibrant white hot light that erupted outward with all the force of a tsunami. The soldier was flash-blinded for several minutes, but when his vision began to return what he saw before him was a welcome if shocking image.

The sphere was floating in mid air inside of a pillar of white-hot light. In the far flung corner of the room was huddled a little tiny batlke creature whimpering pitifully to itself about the horrible, horrible light.

The whimpers slowly subsided and then fell silent all together. The little bat thing began to evaporate its body rapidly disintegrating into a black sandy substance and blowing away upon some unseen wind.

"Wow.. I beat it?" said the man in shock. He glanced over at the sphere and wondered how he'd get the thing to turn off so he could get going.

He walked around the pillar of unrelenting force several times, not once seeing anyway of approaching the thing, but to his further annoyance he did see that it was beginning to melt. Soon his gift would be a slag heap, and who knew what would happen to him then?

Several minutes passed and more and more of the metal fell away sloughing off like some kind of dead liquid metal skin. When the last of it had dissolved away what greeted the man was a brilliantly shiny radiance still spherical in shape but not restrained by a metal shell.

Unbidden his hand raised up and all of the light radiating outward flowed into a single point at its epicenter. With a golf ball sized sphere that seemed to radiate from a single flaming symbol. Within his mind echoed the word Sabera, and its translation. "Wrath of heaven."

This sphere was an incarnate form of the anger all good creatures instinctively felt towards those that persued evil ends. The ultimate and final solution to any situation, unreleting divine violence. Yet somehow he felt it was only half the equasion. The burning symbol seemed incomplete.

He didn't fully understand why but he felt an undeniable urge, one that he followed. He stepped forward and placed his palm beneath the sphere and said, "Let us join together for we are one."

The sphere resonated a wild rainbow of hues almost as though considering the situation and then floated softly down to land on his palm. Then sank within it. The radiant white light flared outward from him for a brief moment and then, the confrontation was over.

He blinked after his bearings returned to him and turned around to see the wisened old man from before. "Well done young knight, or should I say paladin."

"Paladin.. wha?"

"You will understand in time.. but for now your final task awaits you..."

The man blinked and then stared at the wisened old fart. "There's MORE?! When do I get out of here?"

"Patience paladin, for that is the last task of all, look behind you."

The man turned and was rewarded with the sight of dozens of doorways all radiating a different color and hue.

"All doors lead out young one. Only one leads back to the home you knew. The others... well they lead elsewhere. This trial is simple. All you have to do is walk through a door and you're finished here. These doors all lead somewhere dear to your heart in one way or another, and be not afraid, no matter which you take all places need a true paladin." said the old sage before gifting the young protagonist with a fleeting smile. "Journey well, and be at peace.

With a silent heart the man gazed at the doors, and took a step, then another soon he was indeed walking through the door...

Well, that's it for the prologue folks. Nothing anyone would recognize from anime and the like yet, but it's the beginning. The next chapter or two only have some minor refferences to such, but it does enter into a place wherein the people had a 'dawn' most interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes: Well here comes the first official chapter. Understand that my writing has a tendency to combine a sense of the macabre one moment with the silliest crap imaginable the next. Just like real life. Anyway, still no 'insertion' yet, but it's coming within the next two chapters. I'm still debating on whether to continue with what I originally planned for the story or head off in a bold new direction. Hmm.. you'll just have to wait and see right?

Chapter the first: Wherein our hero has lunch.

Drip.. drip... drip.. Each splash of water on the cold concrete floor resounded like a hammer within the ears of the young man lying prone on the floor. A very loud and distorted hammer, pounding away at his sanity. Minutes passed, and then what seemed like hours as he slowly became aware of his surroundings.

The young soldier opened his bloodshot eyes and weakly struggled to an upright sitting position. Swaying lightly as he gazed about his new environs he found himself immediately in need of two things. Anything resembling a bathroom, as he was quite certain various fluids were soon to evacuate themselves from his various holders of said fluids.. regardless of exit point. The other one being, and exit for HIMSELF, since apparently he was not seeing one. As the moments fled away he became more and more intrigued by this room his was in.

The room had no adornments save a strange geometric configuration on the floor. He realized he'd been laying exactly in it's center, which caused him a minor sense of alarm to be certain. The walls and various other enclosing devices of the room, namely ceiling and floor, were all of a strange rock that he had originally felt as being cement, but now knew to be something far less common.

The final thing he noticed, and the one most disturbing for reasons most might understand was that he happened to be quite exceptionally naked. The lack of a draft had not signaled him of this knowledge so admittedly he had taken a moment.

"Ok, reality check. I'm standing inside a 'magic circle' looking thing, i'm butt-ass naked, and i'm in a room with no visible way out." explained the young man to himself.

He glanced down at himself and blinked rapidly several times, "and apparently.. i'm a stud now." He continued, upon noticing several features he was not quite used to noticing about himself. The most apparent being the minor paunch he used to have being turned into something that almost resembled the classic 'six-pack' of the more muscular.

He flexed a few times and wondered at this. His entire body had somehow metamorphosed into someone with actual muscles. His brief stint in the army, for all it's exercise had never quite gotten him to this level of fitness.

His memories were hazy, to be certain, all he could remember was brief flitting images of being in a long dark tunnel, a crazy old coot, and a bat.. he could swear he remembered a talking bat. Beyond that he could recall most of his earlier life before hand, just nothng after he.. he.. he ...well he didn't quite remember yet.

The young naked fellow took a step forward to get his bearings and attempt to find a way out of this smallish and quite depressing room. A single step was all he gained before he found himself at the edge of the symbol and was suddenly thrown violently back to the other edge, which repeated this process. Arcs of raw blue electrical current roared through his screaming form as he was tossed around like a rag doll and finally lost enough momentum to barely stop before touching the edge once more.

Once again unconscious the smoking form of the young man remained inert for quite some time.

Meanwhile...

"Hmmm, so... the fool woke up again did he. What happened this time?" asked a dark figure from the shadows, a vague inhuman outline and fiercely shining yellows eyes were all that could be seen of him, it, whatever.

A much smaller and far less mysterious creature replied to the dark thing, "Sthe shame ash sthe lasht shix timesh mashter."

"Blordereun, STOP eating when you are addressing me!" menaced the outline, drawing squeals of uttermost terror from the diminutive demon. The hair on the back of it's tail had nearly turned white, this time.

The tiny creature spat out it's meal.. a variety of meat.. best left to the imagination. I'm quite certain her mother missed her terribly.. yes, anyway. "Forgiveness for this pitiful one great lord!" squeaked the creature.

"Ffeh... fine.. get on with your report." intoned the monstrosity, eager to get rid of his tiny, annoying, but fortunately useful minion.

"Yes, my royal darkness! Uhm.. oh yes.. the intruder.. as I stated earlier, he awoke once again, tried to leave the circle and was quite handily 'corrected' by the rune of celestial imprisonment. I realize this insignificant one is not paid to 'think' my majestic darknitude.. but I venture to confess my thoughts that this one might very well BE of celestial origin." said the shaking creature of utter terror, evil, and destruction.

"You are correct, my servant on both counts. He has affiliation with the higher heavens AND you aren't paid to think. I don't pay you at ALL. Be filled with uttermost joy that I simply allow one so worthless to simply live and serve me." stated the fiend matter of factly.

Blordereun squeaked and nodded enthusiastically at this and then quietly awaited his dark lord's next instructions.

Drip..drop..drip..drippity..drop..

Groggily the young man began to gain awareness of his surroundings. Ever so slowly he worked his way to a sitting position and began to take stock of his situation. He immediately realized several things. He was inside some sort of magical circle deally, there was no visible escape from the room, and he was butt-ass naked.

"Whoa.. man deja vu.. I could swear i've been here before.." muttered the man as he tried to get his bearings.

Several minutes later he became aware of a sudden chill in the room. The tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he saw a dark mist begin to coalesce outside of his little circle. Within this utter blackness resided a sickly blue light. Something about the entirety of the image before him made him feel nauseas and filled with an innate sense of wrongness that he'd never experienced before.

"What..the..hell..?" inquired the young man nervously. He stared at the, whatever it was as it slowly came together and formed into a translucent outline. It had the semblance of a young girl, but it's eyes were that sickly blue energy.

The.. girl.. stared at him in his prison and tilted her head to the left slightly, then slowly began sniffing at the air. The eerie silence was broken again seconds later when she shrieked in a voice no normal child could muster and revealed fangs and claws. From nowhere he could see, the young man heard answering shrieks and soon three more of these, child monsters appeared. Two more girls, and a little boy with red eyes, further distinguishing him from his blue eyed 'sisters'.

They shrieked in unison, and began circling his prison. Then suddenly the young man could feel a lightening of the air around him as though someone had just turned off some powerful humming device. That's when they came at him.

with a scream of abject terror, our 'hero' leapt into the air narrowly avoiding being slashed to ribbons by the spectrals claws of the first girl to arrive. His narrow leap having taken him well above fifty feet into the air to slam him into the ceiling, having not registered as he plummeted towards the waiting grasp and mouths of the hungry spirits.

"God help me.." he whispered, he'd of screamed it if most of the air hadn't been knocked from his lungs, before closing his eyes as he came near the enraged demonic children, he hit the ground with an audible thump, followed by shrieks and screams of utter torment. It took him several seconds to realize they were not coming from him, and risked opening an eye.

In the far flung corners of the room, two of the three girls wailed and screeched, the evil boy was on the other side, neither wailing nor screeching. He was staring hatefully at the young man, and under neath the would be hero lay.. a pile of ash. A great deal of which now covered his sweat slickened torso and thighs.

He felt a strange sensation at his back and he turned swiftly to see that same evil little girl, looking far less evil indeed. She seemed to be fading away, but her expression was one of peace and the hints of joy. a softly whispered, "Thank..you..." was all he heard before she was gone.

"You'll die horribly for that.." informed the 'boy' as strange symbols began to appear in the air around him. "She was my favorite."

The young paladin blinked and intelligently said, "Huh..?" before the shrieking ghosts started shrieking in a far less terrified manner.

"That was a powerful turn-undead spell... you goody two-shoes, but behold my dark power... and fear me!" railed the demonic toddler.

"Goody.. two-shoes.. what the hell? Who writes this guy's lines..?" groused the knight forgetting his terror for a moment at the shock of what had just happened.

A sudden searing pain, followed by an ever growing weakness assaulted him from the side. He'd been attacked in his moment of bewilderment and was rapidly loosing strength. Shrieking himself at the pain, he tried to leap away again, but found himself caught and roughly slammed to the ground.

The evil boy gloated darkly from above him as his two servants continued to feed on his life force. "Ha! who's the big man now father.. !" crowed the boy, who suddenly seemed lost in thought.

Within our intrepid..heh, hero's mind sudden flashes of insight blocked out the pain. Images of the past that these children had lived. He saw blood, pain, misery. They had been abused, beaten, and worse.. all of their tiny little lives, eventually dying of this cruelty.

He screamed in agony, but it wasn't because of his wounds, it was due to the horrific imagery assaulting his mind, tears formed at the edges of his eyes and the evil boy laughed all the louder. "Awwww.. does the poor widdle baby hurt.. huh.. does him hurt..? Grow up and be a man! Stop whining like a bitch.. heh, must be your mother's influence.. don't worry.. daddy will fix THAT... but first.. daddy's gonna make you feel ALL better... right precious... now kneel down and take it like a good little cunt."

The boy laughed and the girl on the left, burst into tears and whispered, "yes daddy.." in the most heartbreaking voice the young man had ever heard.

He really was fighting children.. violated children.. something inside of him snapped. The fear, the pain all began to fade away. The evil boy thing above him laughing, taunting, reveling in the misery of these children.. deep within him another image stirred. It was a symbol.. almost something he could recall. A burning symbol within a golf ball sized sphere of brilliant light.

Unbidden words came to his lips, "You who cry into the darkness... torn from life's embrace by love turned to cruelty and despair..will find peace."

The boy thing screamed and staggered back in pain, as a radiant white light burst outward from the prone figure in an unrelenting wave of force that instantly annihilated the little girls clawing and gnawing at his soul. The force continued on to the edges of the room, and possibly farther.

A pure, raw radiant anger at the evils of humanity and the creatures who preyed on that pain. A divine force filled with compassionate violence, a cleansing power that began purifying the souls of the dead girls and letting them slowly fade away to make the journey unto the place they might find peace at last.

That violently peaceful light had a slightly different effect on the little boy, however.

The screams of pain turned into a roar of undying rage and hate. The evil child thing started shaking violently, it's translucent ghostly appearance faded away and a far more solid creature emerged. Childish skin split and rent apart releasing a hideous glowing form from beneath. seconds later a massively fat and ugly red thing stood before him. It's cloven hooves and red skin giving it a 'classic' devil appearance. The only difference being the pot belly and the child's face was being worn like a screaming mask.

"FOOL! I would have let them slowly drain you dry.. it would have ALMOST been a peaceful death.. before the enslavement of your soul and eternal torment..! Now.. though.. I dektreth master of the violated shall give you pain.. PAAAAAIN! Before I give you eternal suffering.." raged the demonic beast.

The young knight still radiating waves of raw power gazed narrowly at the beast, his eyes closing to angry slits and his hands rising into the air to take up something resembling a martial arts stance.

"Bahwahahahha..! You think you can fight m urk!" began the demon before the man had crossed the distance in the blink of an eye and slammed a glowing fist brutally into it's flabby gut. The raw violence of the attack sent it flying back to slam into the stone wall with enough force to shatter it, opening a passageway beyond.

The demon didn't even have time to blink before the paladin was on him again, a divinely inspired rage having over taken him. Repeatedly his fists slammed into the prone creature with the force of a sledgehammer and one final double handed strike straight to the child's skin mask crushed it's head and ended it's demonic life.

Panting and out of breath the paladin raised his head and SCREAMED to the heavens, or at least in an upward direction. Then slowly.. tears began to fall.. drop by drop, then a steady stream. The enraged hero cried for all the children who had become things like this, knowing in his heart that ultimately humanity had caused this.. or the lack there of.

It took him a few minutes before he noticed a familiar now, presence behind him. He turned quickly to stare into the eyes of a translucent spirit. His hackles.. raised slightly before he noticed the differences. There was no dark mist.. or eerie glowing eyes.. and he looked sort of familiar.

"Hi..." said the little boy softly, shyly.

The young knight blinked and nodded. "Hey.. kid."

"Blodereun! Report!" snarled the dark lord of these demenses. He had sensed a lower level eruption of divine power inside his evil citadel of terror.. it shouldn't even be POSSIBLE to radiate a divine aura here much less focus it.. he wanted answers, despite its thankfully low power output.

The lesser demon, dwarfed by it's master's magnificent evil whimpered and slowly stammered a reply, "M-master.. t-the fiend in c-charge.. of lost s-souls.. was d.d...feated by the o-one we'd captured.."

"WHAT..?!" snarled the monstrosity. "How, could this be possible..! I personally embedded protection from good, celestial grade, warding symbols all over this fortress. Not, even an arch angel could have broken through that seal and gained access to the ultimate force, enough to do this..."

Blodereun whimpered and decided he had to tell his master the REST of the bad news..

He'd been walking for hours in this demonic hell he'd found himself in. Nothing dark and sinister had jumped out at him, except for one black rat wit blood red spikes on it's back. The foot long freak took one look at him, shrieked and ran away. Things tended to shriek here a lot he'd decided.

The little boy, who'd introduced himself as 'William' had tagged along behind him eerily silent. The paladin had asked him several times, why he'd not faded away like the others, and the only reply was, 'I dunno..'

So it was a quiet party that rounded the corner to find something rather surprising.

"No.. frickin.. way.." boggled the young knight as he stared at the obvious delusion before him. The kid quirked a ghostly eye but of course said nothing. Walking forward our unlikely hero took in every nuance of the place and came to a decision. It was obviously a trap BUT, he would just have to risk it. "Welcome to Burger King how can we serve you dark master?" by all that was holy.. these things were everywhere.

"Do you have a lock on his location yet?" asked a disembodied feminine voice.

Another distinctly female voice replied, "Not quite, though we've narrowed it down to a sub-planar hell on level three."

"Only a matter of time then. " came a third and far more masculine voice.

Meanwhile.. back at the ranch..

"So, you're telling me that even lords of hell have information kiosks and market places now-a-days?" inquired the knight as he chewed on his surprisingly well made burger. He hadn't trusted it at first, but there seemed to be no ill effects and he hadn't felt that weird buzzing sensation since the moment he'd walked in. Everywhere he'd went in this domicile of the damned had made his skin crawl. Here though, it was about the same as any earth burger joint.

The perky blue haired demoness cheerfuly nodded and handed him his curly fries. "Yep! It's good business and far easier to entertain guests if all the menial labor is done. Besides, you can more readily keep your demonic hoardes happy if they have somewhere they can relax."

The man nodded and seemed to consider. I mean who knew demonic hoardes needed or even wanted to relax? "Can we get you anything else my liege?" asked the ever chipper demoness. She was actually rather cute in a blue skinned, scaly sort of way. If he'd been stationed here he might... er.. well best not to consider the rest of that thought.

"Nah.. thanks though.." he said smiling.

"Ok, that'll be three hundred fourty seven derlins., sir" chirped the young demoness.

The man blinked, and then remembered his complete lack of anything, included money and said.. "um, about that."

"Yes, sir?" the perky unassuming girl said cheerfully.

"I seem.. to have forgotten my wallet..?" he said honestly. How he'd forgotten he had no money at all on him was strange enough.

The girl blinked at him, and then a tear fell from her left eye, followed by one from the right. Then finally the water works began in earnest. "I knew it! My first week and i'm gonna be sacrificed! Why, oh why did I take a job in food service! My mother wanted me to be a cosmetologist, but NOOOO I had to go play with the meat and make people smile and be happy. sniff!"

The man began shuddering under the assault of cute crying demoness and wondered what he could do. "Um.. i'm sorry.. but er.. well besides paying is there anything I can do?"

"Sniff! wha.. no.. no.. if you can't pay I'm gonna be sacrificed! It's in the contract!" wailed the girl.

"What.. kind of crappy contract is that?! I mean.. why'd ya even sign it?" asked the paladin type seriously. He really did want to know.

The demoness sighed and related a sad tale of how she had no one and nothing in this world after her dear mother had been eaten by a greater earth fiend, and she'd had to get by on whatever was around. She'd had to drop out of the Delrin school for gifted fiends and get a job to support herself. Terrible tragic tale really.

"So.. you were a gifted er.. fiend?" he asked casually, wondering just what that meant.

"Yes! I was top in my class in food preparation magic! Why I could turn a single rock into thirty loaves of bread, garlic bread even! Boy, my teacher didn't like that last one a bit though, being a vampire and all. Served the old biddy right.." gushed the girl.. demon.. whatever.

The heroically inclined young man blinked at the enthusiastic girl and then quirked an eyebrow. "O...k.."

She continued on for a good twenty minutes expounding on random food preparation related topics and how to best properly utilize a wok. During her monologue our would be savior and defender of all that is good tried his best to sound interested and concerned but honestly wanted to go beat his head against a rock. Two forms of demon rat noodle surprise not withstanding. I mean what was the surprise.. you don't die after you eat it?

"Look, I feel aweful about this.. I mean isn't there some way out of this contract, or at least a loop hole for the sacrifice part?" he asked seriously. Come on even someone as uneducated in demonic laws as himself knew they probably kept major holes to exploit the unwary.

The demon girl sniffed and shook her head, "The only way out is to 'quit' and you can't quit this job! As long as i'm living here, i'm stuck working here till the contract runs out."

The young man pondered this a second and then asked the obvious. "Well.. why don't you move?"

She blinked at him stupidly and then shrugged in a decidedly delicious manner. Suddenly blue was very interesting, the smurfs had the right idea. "Doesn't matter where I go in the infernal demenses. I'd have to leave the plane all together, and I'm nowhere near powerful or connected enough to get permission for that.

The young man shrugged in a somewhat less delicious, though vaugely intriguing way and said, "Well, why not ditch this place and come with me then. I'm busting out of here somehow and you might as well come along."

"R-really?! You mean it! Wow... no one's ever done something like this for me before!" she gush-slash-purred at him. Yeah, blue was definitely becoming his favorite color. The scales being beside the point.

"Oh! Before we go my name's Selfrina, what's yours?" perked the cheerful demoness.

"It's nice to meet you Selfrina, i'm S..." began the young man before a shout of "SEIZE THE MORTAL!" echoed throughout the building. The threesome turned towards the oncoming hoarde and grimaced. "Well looks like the party's over..!"

Six pot-bellied demons resembling orcs on steroids were racing down the corridor towards their location. Each bearing huge battle axes dripping some kind of viscous green and black fluid. They were only a few yards away by the time a desperate plan formed in the naked paladin's mind, yes there was only one solution. Turning quickly he filled his companions in on his plan, "RUN AWAY!!"

"Wha..?!" exclaimed the demoness as her would be hero bolted towards the kitchen area, with his ghostly little sidekick in hot pursuit. She barely evaded the first Axe sweep as she turned to chase after him. "Wait for meee!"

------

Welp that's it for this episode. Tune in next time.. for DRAMA... ACTION... and.. pot bellied things that go oui oui oui all the way home...


	3. Chapter 3

Author's notes: hope those of you who read this story are enjoying it. Things are going to start picking up in this and the next chapter, leading to the conclusion of this story arc. Any questions or comments are welcome and I appreciate ya if you review.

Chapter 2: Gear up for adventure.. or why oh why did she eat that.

He peeked through the crack and sighed. "Yeah I think they're gone Selfri."

The blue demon girl flushed a darling purple at his shortening of her name but said nothing about it. He was taking her out of here somehow, and even if he wasn't she was as good as dead anyway so what did it matter. At least with the naked guy she had a chance.

"Ok, Well that was close. Anyway, our first order of business is trying to find a WAY to get out." informed the man. All this wandering about aimlessly wasn't getting anyone anywhere. Maybe the cute blue chick knew a way out?

"Yeah..well the way out is obvious. I mean EVERYONE knows where it is. Still, won't do US any good." demured the girl. She was more than willing to tell him the way out, but she was making darn certain he took her with him.

The paldin squinted at her and said, "Why not..?"

"Well.. it's on every map, and information kiosk. We can't use it though. We have NO rank, plus the guardian of the gate is way stronger than us. I mean i'm no fighter, or anything and well.. you can't even fight the guards...the guardian would have chewed them up, spit them out, raised them from the dead and did it again." informed the girl with a bit of a knowing sigh.

"Real tough sort?" asked the man, it was a rhetorical statement but she nodded anyway.

"Man.. if only I had a weapon or something, this running around naked isn't doing anyone any good." muttered the man to himself.

She picked up on it anyway and flushed a pretty violet. "Well.. maybe not for you..teeheee"

The soldier mumbled again, turning a bright crimson for reasons of his own and turned to stare out the crack again. The idea 'if only I had a weapon' was cycling through his mind. After a few seconds he bolted upright, consequently banging his head on the stone celing of their little hidey hole.

"Oww..?!" he exclaimed, drawing a titter of mirth from his companions. Hell even the kid was laughing.. heh at least that was something.

"Sigh... hey Selfri..?" he began, acquiring the giggling girl's attention.

"Yes, dear?" she cooed, before bursting out into giggles again.

The young man considered his thoughts and then said, "I'm broke so I couldn't BUY a weapon even if I wanted to. hmmm.. but do you know anywhere we could find some weapons.. or at least some shorts or something... at this point i'd take a dish rag."

The demoness howled laughing again and after a minute quieted enough to giggle out something about needing something a lot bigger than a dish rag, and rolled her eyes before saying "Yeah, HE-RO.. I have an uncle that might be able to help."

The paladin beamed a genuine smile at her causing the azure girl to flush fetchingly. He did have a rather disarming affect whether he knew it or not. "Really..? Think he would?!"

"There's a LITTLE teensy bit of a problem though.." said the girl shyly.

"What.. problem..?"

The girl cleared her throat and said, "Well.. he's sorta imprisoned in the hell of eternal bad acting."

"The.. hell.. of..?" began the man, attempting to process that little tid bit.

The girl beamed a cutesy fanged smile at him. Though to be honest he wasn't affected in the same way she had been. For some reason demonic females baring their fangs in a wickedly sexy smile made him kind of nervous. He wasn't sure if he was about to get 'lucky' or a tax audit.

"Yep! We have a hell for everyone!" exclaimed the girl happily, then whipped out a burger from nowhere and began munching happily on it.

The young man rolled his eyes and feeling playful for once said, "Dude, seriously how can you eat that stuff.. I mean it's fine for me and all, but don't you know fast food makes girls fart?"

The demon girl's eyes bulged slightly and she almost choked on her burger. "Ewwww! Nasty.. i've never farted once in my life..big meanie."

The paladin shrugged and enigmatically said, "Uh.. huh.. we'll see."

--------

"Hmmm, so the fly in my ointment has eluded your henchmen blordereun?" asked the lord of dark and mean things to his number one go-to hench demon.

The diminutive, tiny, insignificantly small demon nodded slowly, "Yes, dark majesty..and apparently he has subverted two of your subjects to his cause."

"WHAT..?!" roared the demonic lord of all things naughty and not so very nice. "This.. this.. this..." he glanced down at his minion "allegory, metaphor... something.. NOW."

"Goody...two shoes..?" quipped the lesser demon.

"NO! we've already used that one once in this story arc.. er.. um.. mean.. BAH... whatever..this, flyspeck.. yes quite.. does that one work.. yes.. um.. ahem! DARES to subvert my hard earned dastardly minions?!" confused, or rather accused the dark lord.

Blorderun nodded slightly, and then winced as his dark majesty stood-up..!

"Prepare my war room.. we shall gather the minions and destroy this.. this... THIS...goody- flyshoes!"

The lesser demon wisely did not correct its dark overlord.

-------

"Aha! I can't thank you enough for getting me out of there young feller...!" exclaimed a wisened old fart looking creature. It looked rather similar to a typical final fantasy style imp. Selfrina didn't bat an eyelash while hugging the doddering old goblin-esque creature and the young knight once again decided not to judge a book by its cover. Love born of the heart didn't care what face it wore.

"Glad to be of service sir.. I don't know how you stayed sane in there all this time to be honest." stated the ever curious paladin.

Crusty, the old imp in question really named crustlerino del castliante, nodded emphatically. "If i'd had to endure that damnable theme song or one more idiotic fake martial arts scene i'd have gone insane...what manner of creature IS a power ranger anyway?"

The soldier nodded slowly, trying not to bring up those horribly cheesy images again. Why god... why.. how could anyone be so horribly horribly wrong as to create such a thing. They had made giant robots... the opposite of a good thing. The social equivalent of steve urkel. Well meaning.. but wrong.

Selfrina giggled at her 'hero' and then went back to snuggling her uncle. She hadn't seen him in simply forever.

"Um.. Selfrina, dear... I know you love your uncle.. but a few things have changed these last few centuries... people might get the wrong idea.." said the old fart after a little TOO long.

giggle! "Oooh, I guess they did. tehehehee!" exclaimed the girl while she hefted her rather expansive talents into the air for a better overall view. "Hey.. why are you bleeding hero?"

The young knight blanched and touched his nose.. no frickin way...

"Uhm.. no idea what you're talking about... Ahem! Anyway.." said the young knight, before turning to the wisened old imp. "Selfrina said you might be able to help me locate some weapons, clothes, etc."

Crusty grinned in a fanged but gap-toothed way and nodded. "That I can m'boy! Ya see, I knows where the evil over lord's secret armory is. It's where he puts all the gear he takes from prisoners."

The young paladin grinned. This could be good. Maybe he'd find something that belonged to him. He couldn't ave come here naked could he?

------

"Sir, w've narrowed his location down to three possible planar locations. Orders?" stated a disembodied feminine voice.

"Lock onto signal, and prepare to transport. Estimates?" stated the masculine voice.

"ETA, Twenty seven minutes, fourteen seconds."

The masculine voice replied with, "Does that take into account, the time dialation?"

"Negative sir, for him, it will be roughly two days."

"Understood.

-------------

"Ok, youngin, there it is. Beyond that doorway lies the prison armory. Good luck gettin past the guards though, heheheh." said crusty. The Feral Imp smirked in that special way that made you want to smack someone, especially the smirker.

"Hmm.. what are the guards like?" asked the paladin.

"Ahahahah.. some pretty tough bastards. They're a devil team. One's a dark fire elemental, and the other is a wind demon. They're a pretty good team. You got ya work cut out for yas." said the crusty one.

The paladin grimaced and then nodded. Why did it always come down to fighting. "Ah, well, time to make the doughnuts."

With that being said, he placed a finger to his lips quieting his miniature entourage and began slinking towards the door. It took him several minutes to walk to the end of the long dark hallway, but upon arrival he peeked through the metal bars near the top of the door and saw the interior of the room.

He had a clear view of the medium sized area, and try as he might, he simply could not see any demons. There was a LOT of equipment, but no guardians.

The would be hero pulled on the door's metal ring and it came open easily. Wondering at the ease of which this all was taking place, he slipped inside to get a better look.

The man took a quick reconnaissance of the room and then began checking various pieces of equipment. A lot of it was rusted and unusable. He did eventually find a few articles of clothing, and a padded vest that was probably armor. It had metal plates sown in, so it might be of use and at least it covered him up some. A pair of steel toed boots, a leather cap, and a pair of leather gloves with a metal plate over the back of the hands was useful.

Weapon wise he was still at a loss. He rooted through the equipment several tense minutes, wondering all the while if he'd get caught in the act. It was all junk, most of it rusted completely through. Not a single clean, useable piece in the lot.

His examinations eventually lead him to look inside a small unassuming black sack. It seemed empty when he looked into it, but then he put his hand inside.. and then his arm.. and then almost fell in, before managing to drag himself back out. When his head had entered the sack, he'd seen a huge star-filled back drop and endless space. Another thing he'd noticed though, was rows of shelves.

He poked his head back in and checked this, discovering that though they were largely empty, the shelves did have a few items. A few potions, a metal bracer, a few random books, and what appeared to be a staff of some kind. Unlike the weapons out here, this one seemed uncorrupted and since he had actually used a staff before, having trained a little in using such, he figured it was better than nothing.

Problem was getting to it though. That shelf seemed rather far away. After a few minutes of trying to figure it out he muttered something about wanting to get the staff and the thing started glowing and then appeared outside the bag floating in the air.

The man boggled a moment and then shrugged. Ok, so it was some sort of bag of holding or something. He'd played enough pen and paper role playing games, and enough video games to not find this TOO unusual considering where he was.

He took a moment to get a better look at the staff and quirked an eyebrow. There were runic symbols carved along it's shaft and capping both ends was a metal that had a shine similar to chrome, but seemed far more sturdy. The whole piece seemed like it was made of some type of wood but it had a feel and consistency far stronger.

The man repeated his earlier performance and said , "Get bracer." a similar glowing, floating scene occured and then he was checking the bracer out. Ot was made of a dark black metal, but with a deep blue lacquer on top of it that was reminiscent of fiber glass. It had a single runic symbol set inside a mildly luminescent crystal sphere in the center of the armor piece and he wondered what it meant.

Armor being in short supply, he shrugged and said "oh well." and put it on, hoping he wouldn't turn into a rapid wildebeast or something.

He blinked as a mild electrical current pulsed through him leaving an after tingle, but otherwise he felt nothing peculiar.

Turning to leave the room, and hopefully avoid notice, a sensation grabbed his attention. It was a strange kind of warmth and it was drawing him towards one of the walls in the room. With more than a little trepidation this feeling, this need to follow through lead him to a blank spot. Nothing special about it that he could tell. Further examination though lead him to tap and poke at the area, revealing a hollow sound.

A few minutes of tapping finally unveiled a tiny insignificant place that pressed in with an audible click. The larged blank spot swung up to reveal a small cubby hole filled with lightly glowing objects.

He quirked an eyebrow and then his gaze fell upon two books. For some reason they seemed familiar to him. A soft luminescence surrounded them, and the golden symbols adorning their cover almost seemed comprehensible to him. He felt he should know what they mean, but just barely managed to miss the interpretation.

The man touched each and sudden flashes of insight, memories of a dark tunnel, endless hungry days, and a talking old ghostly fart questioning him skittered through his mind. Taking initiave he shoved the books into his sack and checked out the other few objects in the cubby hole.

Another book, a smallish dagger, a ring, three vials of rainbow hued something or other, and a small crystal with a red burning symbol floating inside it. It only took him a moment to shove everything but the dagger in his sack. It had a leather sling on it, and thus he could strap it to his back.

He strapped the sack on his hip, it also having a convenient carry strap, and headed for the door. If he was lucky he'd get away scott-free.

He linked up with his crew a moment later and filled them in as they began to leave the area. They'd almost gotten away when a duo of voices could be heard coming down the hall way. Thinking quickly the young knight pressed them back into a dark alcove and hoped the new arrivals would just pass them by.

They winced visibly as a large red and black demon with flaming hair and whipping tail sauntered happily by. What was even stranger to the young paladin was that this thing had two heads. Even stranger was that they were having an argument..?!

"I told you, stressthlassina is MY girl bitch!" shrieked the small horned head. It looked rather like a bat.

"No.. way..! She's mine! I saw her first you rat..!" exclaimed the fat frog looking head.

The bat head shrieked again, causing the party of thieves to clutch their ears. "No.. I did! she sent that note to ME. It had MY name on it.. just learn to accept defeat.. the girl is MIIINE.!!"

"Grrr.. you thieving bastard! I oughta cut you off and feed you to Blordereun.! That freak will eat anything." groused the frog head.

squeak "Too true, did you see what he did to that little starlrin girl? Sheesh.. " agreed the bat head. Neither of them were too into cannibalism. Eating a human, or a dog, or a cat, or whatever sure.. but demons.. that's kind of sick.

The two continued this chit-chat as they strolled down the hall. The paladin signaled this might be a good chance to sneak away and they began doing just that. However, life has a strange way of messing with this particular soldier of love and cuddles. Just as they were about to round the corner and get away.. PHBBBBBBBSHKTT!!!

Selfrina turned a deep shade of purple and looked ever so embarassed. She'd just proven the young hero's earlier statement about fast food entirely correct. She never.. indeed.

Crusty and the man both widened their eyes appreciatively. Both were in agreement over two things. One, that was a NICE one. The uncle feeling proud, the man feeling rather envious. The second one being, that they heard footsteps and yelling from behind them.

"Uhm..RUN!" exclaimed the paladin, practically dragging the flatulent demoness along behind him as he fled down the hall.

It didn't take long until they wound up in a dead end though. They'd gotten turned around and fled into a large arena type room complete with seats and refreshment stands. With no visible entrance except where they came from they were stuck for it.

The paladin turned and let out a nervous sigh. This day just kept getting better and better.

A thundering roar-slash-screech-ribbit kind of sound was heard from the doorway and the shadows parted to reveal the demon. He was a twelve foot tall monster. A monster now sporting a massive warhammer.

"Heh.. look brother, we've found the thieves. Lord Derlinarius will be ever so appreciative." said the frog.

Screech! "Indeed brother.. and look closer.. does that not appear to be the very prisoner we were said to watch for. A lucky day in deed.." replied the bat thing.

The paladin groaned and then hefted his staff before him. This thing looked tough, and he suddenly wished he had a real weapon, something along the lines of a M 249 or a .50 cal.

"Bwahahaha..!! The little godling thinks he's gonna fight us..brother!" howled the frog.

"Sque..hehhe.hehehe Indeed brother!" squeaked the bat. "Let's eat his entrails.. and look at THIS.. isn't that the burger slut that never gives us ketchup with our fries?

"I am NOT a slut!" pouted the girl. "I'm just very socially active!"

A drop of sweat formed along the brow of the young paladin and he tried to tune it all out. In the background he could hear the demons arguing back and forth about the nature of her social activities, and the man was trying his best not to listen too deeply to some of her ideas about a proper 'date.' Bad thoughts.. bad, bad thoughts.

"Enough of this witty banter..!" proclaimed the frog, attempting to sound imperious and classy. Was he trying to impress the demoness or something.. eww.. like whatever..

"The godling dies now, and THEN we eat the girl. Agreed brother?" said froggy.

"squeak! agreed!"

"Heeeeey! I thought you weren't cannibals..?!" wailed the girl.

"Bwahahah.. we didn't mean that kind of eat you delectible morsel.." corrected the frog before flinging his tongue out to flick her on a place best left unmentioned.

"Ooooh!" exclaimed the girl, managing to flush prettily.. "Teehee..so sticky.."

The paladin groaned inwardly. It just figured he'd be teamed with a nymphomaniac burger demon.

Trying to steel his courage a bit, he rotated his staff and pointed at the large demon saying, "No tasting the help."

"bwahaha... it can speak brother! Let's finish this cretin off.. i'm rather hungry

Squee hehehe.. brother.. is he truly from crete? He doesn't LOOK greek?"

"Quiet you!"

Then as one they rounded on the young knight and charged, their warhammer raising swiftly into the air. Battle had been joined.

--------

Gee.. a cliff hanger. Ha! Anyway, This is it for this chapter. I realize some of you who read this will be all.. WHERE'S sailor moon or whatever. That part is coming. it's like two to three chapters away. This story arc will end in the next chapter, then we have one or two filler chapters, and then the REAL story starts. Consider this back story, so as to understand the character more.


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